Connection. We are constantly looking for ways to connect with other people. We try to connect on social media; through dating apps, in person at networking events; getting introduced to another person through a mutual friend... there's an endless list of ways to connect to other human beings.
We're not meant to exist in this world alone. According to Brené Brown, we're hardwired to connect with others.
So why is it when things are going right, we feel OK to reach out to someone but as soon as the tides turn, we close our doors to the world?
Let's talk about the latter for a second. Anytime we're experiencing a downturn - heartbreak is a prime example - our first instinct is to shut down and turn off. We shield ourselves from the world's light.
We don't want anyone to see us in this pain & suffering because somewhere along the line, we got told to keep that jazz to ourselves; no one wants to see it. Social media is rife with people only showing their 'good' side.
So why is that? Why do we tend to turn ourselves off unnecessarily and unnaturally? Ever felt like you'd be a burden to others by sharing your trials? I know I have. I've consciously chosen this many times in the past.
I learned, more recently than I care to admit (but hey, that's life, right?), unloading the burden means you're processing it and letting it go.
It's like if you were carrying 8 bags of groceries (in reusable bags, of course) by yourself and someone came along and helped you carry 2 bags, you'd feel a lot better! They're not carrying those 2 bags for you for eternity - it's just until you get to your destination then they'll let them go.
It's the same when you reach out to someone when you're feeling low. Let them carry your burdens for a time.
Just knowing that you've been seen and heard can do WAY more for your state of mind than you'll ever realize.
Is there someone you can reach out to today? Post in the comments below about how you can connect to that person.
Yesterday was my birthday and my son's birthday. It's hard to believe that just 2 short years ago I was laying in a hospital bed holding this tiny human to my chest wondering if the morphine haze would ever fade.
There's still parts of my son's birth I don't remember because of the anesthetics & painkillers. I do remember him peeing on the pediatricians - seeing that 2' stream made me so proud. I
What's clear as day is that thought that I was going to raise him by myself. I didn't know how or when but I couldn't shake that thought. I knew even then my marriage was over - I knew it before my son was born. I just didn't want to face it. I didn't want it to be true, even though it was. I had to go. I couldn't live with it anymore.
When you're the one to leave a relationship, it does hurt. You DO feel pain, heartache and sadness. I felt all of those things and more as I agonized over when I was going to leave. When I finally did, I shattered my husband's world. I knew it was inevitable but I had to. I had to burn down the forest we created together and start again from the ashes.
I grieved the end long before my husband did. It was absolutely tough with a newborn - the lack of sleep, eating well went out the window... having an inflamed pancreas and being hospitalized for 2 weeks didn't really help any. It had to be done. I had to start that forest fire. I had to end our marriage.
Oh, did those fires rage! The hurt, heated exchanges filled with hurtful words... those fires eventually fizzled out and in their wake, a new relationship was born. We now have to co-exist for our little boy. It's not easy and I still have to work at it every day.
I don't regret my decision for one moment. Sure, I'm a firestarter. I brought down pain & heartache on another person. I know for sure I did the right thing and we're all better for it in the end.
Your relationship is over. You've had that awkward conversation, you got a text to say "it's not you, it's me" or worse yet, you've been ghosted. Either way, the connection you had with that special someone - be it 2 weeks, 2 months or 20 years, has finally come to an end.
Turning to our loved ones is a natural first step. They say things to you like, "I never liked him anyway" or "there's way more fish in the sea"... things that are definitely well-meaning but do nothing to ease the emotional 3-ring circus that's going on in your head and heart.
So remember this - let your emotions out.
Don't let anyone tell you to just be positive. You can't be positive 100% of the time. Ever encountered anyone who's positive ALL the time? When I do, I always wonder what happens when they stub their little toe. There's a lot of noise out there that says we need to wash everything in love and light. Yes but no. See, when that happens, we're not allowing ourselves to be human. To be human means to run the full gamut of emotions - highs, lows & in-betweens.
On a farm, if it rains 100% of the time, the crops get flooded - the harvest is ruined. If it's sunny 100% of the time, the crops dry out - the harvest is ruined once more. The crops need a balance of the sun and rain to ensure a bountiful harvest. Just as the crops need a balance, we too need a balance.
Ignoring our "dark' side means you ignore opportunities for growth and learning. Feelings & emotions are neither 'bad' or 'good' - they're what they are. Find a way that works for you to let all your emotions out of your system.
What's your favourite way to let your emotions out?
Before Easter, I announced that I was now going be a "Post-Relationship Coach". What the heck does that mean, you ask?
It means I help people who are feeling lost and broken after a recent breakup navigate their feelings to find closure.
As humans, we are programmed to connect with other humans. It's a basic human need that we often overlook... it's why solitary confinement is used as punishment as it literally goes against nature to not have contact with other human beings.
So when your relationship comes to an abrupt end for whatever reason, that's where I come in. I can help you through those first few days where you're feeling like a mammoth just sat on your head and farted. Your feelings and emotions are like a big, swirling cesspool - ranging from rage to despair to fear. Your thoughts play that scene over and over again desperately trying to find out if you missed something or if there were signs that you just didn't want to see.
I can help you navigate your emotional landscape or better yet, what I like to call your "Emotion Salad". I'll be there every step of the way for you to work through your painful issues, discover your dreams, set goals for yourself and take meaningful action towards what it is that you want to do next.
Coaching, especially life coaching, is client-directed. You drive the bus - meaning I'm not here to tell you what to do, how to feel or to follow someone else's 'exact steps' to feel different or better. My role, as your Post-Relationship Coach, is to listen, provide a safe (and sacred) space for your to express your feelings and to introduce you to your inner wisdom.
What I love about this work is that it ties so many missing pieces together that I've been ruminating on for some time. I absolutely love moments of clarity. When clarity happens, it's like eating a mountain of fresh chocolate cupcakes with buttercream icing... mmm... cupcakes...
It's definitely been a journey and I'm so grateful you're here for the ride.