Those first few days after a breakup are definitely the hardest. Your emotions are running on overdrive. One minute you're seeing red and the next you're crying over that cute cat food commercial that you've seen a million times before.
Your girls keep telling you to move on! Suck it up, Buttercup - he's not worth your tears! Yes, they mean well. You've been through times like this before. Something's different though - this breakup is rocking you to your core.
As you open your eyes to another day, you're surrounded by a sea of dirty laundry, takeout boxes and dirty tissues. As you try to get yourself ready for the day, your mind can't stop replaying that conversation.
Yes, the relationship is over. Life isn't. In fact, it's just beginning.
Say what, Althea? I can't eat, I don't sleep and all I want to do is go back to bed and watch Notting Hill & eat ice cream.
While that may be a good short-term plan, it's not a permanent one. At some point you've got to face the pain and start moving through it.
Notice here I didn't say avoid it, ignore it or gloss it in love & light. The only way through the pain is to go through the pain.
So where do you begin to start to feel better? Start with basic self-care. Did you shower today? If the answer is no, then stop reading this blog right now and go have a shower. Do a load of laundry. Tidy up one room in your home. Do at least one thing every day that'll make you feel like you accomplished something. Then do 2 things. You get the idea.
Next, get a journal. Now that you're so fresh and so clean clean, go out into the world and buy a notebook. (no apps, people!) Make yourself a hot beverage and write down everything you're feeling in that moment.
Give yourself permission to feel everything you're feeling. Angry? Then scream into a pillow! Sad? Have a good, shoulder-shuddering cry. Let all those feelings out of your system.
In time you'll start to see things for what they are. You'll also start to get to know yourself from your journal.
Which one of these things is resonating with you the most? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
I've got this meditation app on my smartphone that's really made a difference for me. I can choose from a variety of 5-10 minute guided meditations depending on my present mood.
One quote from a recent meditation is playing over & over again in my head:
"At the most basic level, you are alive and breathing."
Close your eyes for a moment.
Let that sink in.
Powerful, isn't it? Especially when your whole world seems like it's on the brink of apocalyptic destruction - this phrase is vital to bring you back to the present moment.
Next time you find your emotions and feelings spiraling out of control, take a few minutes to breathe and repeat this to yourself:
"At the most basic level, I am alive and breathing."
How did that feel for you? What came up for you?
Share your thoughts in the comments below.
You're reeling from that emotionally-charged conversation with your ex... it's over. You're not sure what to think since your emotions are off the charts - ranging from sheer rage to complete despondency.
Immediately your mind turns to ice cream. All you want to do is spend the foreseeable future in your pajamas binge-watching romantic comedies on Netflix because hey, love only happens like than in real life to someone else.
Contrary to what the world tells you, it's perfectly OK to be in that space for as long as you need to.
Get those feelings and emotions out of your system - even if you have to have a few rage blackouts to do it.
You'll eventually get to a point where you can fully realize the truth about what happened. You and your ex aren't a couple anymore. It's a truth that's super-hard to accept but once you do, it changes everything.
Accepting the truth means you won't find yourself on a endless analysis-paralysis loop. You won't be living in the past, reliving every experience you had together.
Seeing the truth also means you'll be able to see the relationship for what it actually was. Maybe there were trouble spots you didn't want to see or acknowledge.
Accepting the truth also means you bring yourself to the present moment. Here you are - on your own with no one but yourself. It's not up to you to see how your ex is coping - your primary responsibility is to YOU.
Truth is something that's not easy to face let alone accept. It'll definitely take time.
I'll say this - accepting the truth about the end of the relationship is an important step in your healing journey.
Can you believe it's September already? I do love this time of year - the vibrant colours, the crisp in the air, fall clothes... it's time to start planting seeds for the year to come.
One seed that we all need to plant and nurture is the seed of self-care. Self-care is such an incredibly broad topic however we're going to break it down to this one concept - take time to figure yourself out.
After a particularly difficult breakup, it's easy to get yourself into an analytical mode where you're meticulously scrutinizing everything your ex said & did throughout your entire relationship; especially towards the end. Was there something that you missed that could've prevented this crushing heartbreak that you're feeling right now?
Take that urge to analyze your relationship to death and shift that attention to YOU. How are YOU feeling? How are YOU coping? Never mind your ex - they can take care of themselves.
Maybe it's the first time in your life that you've even considered your own well-being. Facing yourself can be daunting but here's one key thing things you can do to begin to figure yourself out after a breakup: write in a journal.
Journaling is an amazing way to help you process what's on your mind.
Get yourself a journal. I'm talking about an actual journal with paper pages where you have to use a pen to write in it. No apps on your phones, people.
Write down every thought that's in your head in your journal. Don't censor yourself. If it's driving you nuts, then write it down.
Do this daily for the next 7 days and see how you feel. Have you ever kept a journal before? Post your thoughts in the comments below.