I love Halloween. All that candy on sale. I firmly believe chocolate is a food group. It's made from plants, right? Chocolate is practically a salad.
So now that Halloween is around the corner, it made me think of demons. Maybe the word "demons" makes you think about these scampish-looking red creatures with pitchforks and forked tails.
In this sense, I'm talking about our shadows. Unresolved issues. Limiting beliefs. Baggage. Our 'stuff'. Whatever you choose to call it, these demons like to hang out with us like some kind of celebrity entourage.
Demons follow us everywhere. They show up in every aspect of our lives. They're Instagram-esque filters since they affect how we see the world. Demons show up in our relationships. Plus they throw a hella great party when those relationships come to an end.
What do you do to get rid of these demons? Well, here's what NOT to do. Don't ignore them hoping they'll just go away. They're still be there like a bad rash. Don't bathe them in love & light. Demons love to have beach parties in love & light. They know full well you're trying to pretend they're not there so they'll just keep on keepin' on. Don't think medicating them away will do the trick. That'll just numb your ability to acknowledge their existence.
Listen up, people. The only way to get rid of your demons is to face them head on. Yeah, I said it. No amount of love, light, stronger meds or sailing down De Nile is going to make them go away.
You need courage and strength to go up to these demons when they're having a party, pour yourself a glass of punch and start chatting them up. Seriously!
Ask them what they're doing here.
What are they here to teach you?
How have they served you in the past?
Why are they still here?
What needs to happen before you can let them go?
What would it feel like for them not to be present in your life?
Why do you need them now?
Get your journal out and start answering some of these questions. Have some punch while you're at it.
Getting rid of your demons is a process. It won't happen overnight. But if you're tired of these demons partying in your subconscious mind, it's time to break up the party. You can't do that if a) you're not willing to do the work or b) you don't want to deal with them head on.
I got a call last Saturday that changed my life.
My older brother had passed away. He was only 45 years old.
I spent the following 2 days in complete shock. I felt numb. I didn't cry right away but eventually I just broke down.
I managed to pull myself together to gather his belongings and plan his memorial service. I volunteered to give the eulogy - after all, he was my big brother - the varsity jock, star quarterback, track star and truthfully, a bit of a player.
In my brother's death, I discovered I'd been suppressing my true self. I also realized we're truly not alone. My projections of the world weren't real. My brother was loved by so many.
I wrote this story for his memorial service:
A man looked up at the skies and asked them to acknowledge him.
Just then a meadowlark began to sing in a nearby tree.
But the man did not hear.
So the man yelled to the skies, "Is anyone there?? Answer me!”
Thunder rumbled across the sky.
But the man did not listen.
The man looked around and said, "Can anyone see me now?”
The sun peeked out from behind the thunderclouds, shining brightly in the sky.
But the man did not notice.
“Show me a miracle!” shouted the man to the skies.
A few feet away, a cocoon began to shake.
A beautiful monarch butterfly emerged, spreading its wings for the first time.
But the man did not notice.
His gaze was solely focused on the skies.
So, the man cried out in despair. "Is anyone here for me?”
The monarch butterfly fluttered briefly in front of the man and landed on his shoulder. But the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.
In those first few days after the end of a relationship, it can definitely seem like the world is ending. Everything you knew to be true suddenly isn't anymore. That life you had - the life you shared with someone else is suddenly gone.
So what happens now?
First things first - breathe. You're going to make it through the storm.
It's easy to feel like a part of you has died because the relationship was a huge part of your existence. Now for the truth - you're fully alive and breathing. You were a whole and complete person before you met this person and you're still a whole and complete person now that they're gone.
Now that it's just you, what happens next? You begin to heal. You allow yourself to feel every emotion. You use this time to take a look at yourself, where you are and where you want to be.
The Universe has a funny way of getting your attention - especially when it's time to make changes in your life. This breakup that's come seemingly out of nowhere is actually a way for you to make room for something greater.
Take time to sit with this new reality of being unattached. Accept it. Take a few deep breaths and reflect on your next steps.
Need to talk to someone about what you're going through? Book a free Let's Talk session with me here. You don't have to face this alone. We'll discuss where you are and where you want to be. I'll also let you know how I can support you further.
It's not the end. Well, maybe it is. In truth, it's just the beginning.
Ain't love funny? We want it so effing bad - like a hit of some psychedelic that makes us see unicorns, rainbows and fluffy bunnies with cute button cottontails.
It's the sudden rush of endorphins that makes us all tingly inside. Those conversations where you dare to bare your heart out to that person who, here's hoping, feels the same way.
Deep down, nobody wants casual love - disposable love. People who say they do are lying to themselves and the world. We all want real, lasting, messy, makeup sex love that lasts a lifetime.
Does this kind of love exist? Or does it live next door to a rainbow-farting unicorn?
I do know love exists. It's what we're made of and made from. They say we're made up of the same stuff as stars... I believe this to be true but I also believe the stars are made of love.
So that one kind of love we so desperately want - it's out there. It's a force stronger than most. It moves us; inspires us to create art, music, literature... some of the greatest works of our time have been created out of love... and heartbreak.
A broken heart can manifest itself in immense pain & suffering. But it can also transmute into soul-stirring stuff. Ever heard a blues guitarist? Jazz singer? Hip-hop lyricist? Seen a freshly painted fresco?
We humans have this incredible ability to transform pain & suffering into medicine to everyone around us.
So yeah, love - romantic love between two humans - exists. So does heartbreak. It's a constant cycle between the two.
No matter how painful the heartbreak, it doesn't stop us.
We dust ourselves off and go back for more. We move on. We find someone else.
Then the sun rises again.